web-goddess Oscar Contest 2010

The Eighth Annual web-goddess Oscar Contest has finally begun. I’ve added a thirteenth category this year – Best Original Score – to lessen the odds of a tie. As usual, the number of dead people in the obituary montage will be the tiebreaker. And what do you get if you win? Why, it’s a Sparkly Emo Vampire Sockmonkey Playset! (And don’t worry, Twilight-haters. I’ve catered for you too.)

The contest will end the minute the ceremony begins!

Once upon a time, a girl named Bella fell in love with a very sparkly emo vampire named Edward. He gave her piggy-back rides in the trees.

But her long-haired Native American friend Jacob didn’t approve and warned her away.

Bella didn’t care. She and Edward frolicked in a meadow and he sparkled.

Jacob cut his hair and took to wearing cutoffs and hanging out in the woods in the rain.

But what’s this? It’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer! With a flash, she whips out Mr. Pointy and reduces Emo Edward to dust.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. If you win this year’s Oscar Contest, all this melodrama could be yours. You get three different sock monkeys: Edward, Bella/Buffy, and Jacob.

Edward comes with foofy auburn hair, amber eyes, embroidered six-pack, and a black peacoat. Oh, and he sparkles in the sun.

Bella has long brown hair, a grey coat, and a treasured copy of “Wuthering Heights” (with hand-embroidered cover). She’s also very clumsy and lacks any sort of personality. (Just like the books!)

Jacob (in his younger incarnation) has long brown hair, an embroidered six-pack, and a pair of denim cut-offs. He’s friendly and nice and has no idea he has a latent werewolf gene.

Later, Jacob gets ripped, cuts his hair, finds out he’s a werewolf, and kinda turns into a jerk. See? You can tell he’s scowling. Poor kid has no idea Renesmee is in his future.

With a quick change of wig and the addition of a crucifix, Bella becomes Buffy! Buffy has long blonde hair and a wooden stake. She’s also quick with a pun and has very little patience with mopey emo vampires.

The four wigs (Bella’s long, Buffy’s long, Jacob’s long, and Jacob’s short) all have a strip of Velcro on the underside that corresponds to a strip on the appropriate monkey’s head. You can mix and match to your heart’s content!

So whether you’re a Twi-hard or a Twi-hater, there’s something for everyone in the Sparkly Emo Vampire Playset!