I’m not going to run the Gold Coast marathon this year. I’m not going to run any marathon this year. I know this sounds stupid, but it feels incredibly FREEING to say that. I know I said I was going to. But as soon as I said it, I felt weighed down by it. The next seven months stretched ahead like the worst homework assignment ever. It wasn’t like that last year. I don’t know what changed. But lately running is feeling less fun and more like a chore. It feels like something I only do because you guys expect it, and because I’ve made my running so public. It doesn’t help that I keep adding a new injury every six months. I hurt my right knee ten days ago, and it’s still not recovered. Every day that I don’t run, I feel a terrible guilt knowing that I’m “falling behind” on my goals. Isn’t that silly? I went out for a run this morning knowing that I shouldn’t, just because I felt ashamed at not getting in any miles this week. (I got plenty of exercise, just not running.) That’s just stupid, right? Who am I doing this for, anyway?! So when I got back to the house this morning, wincing as my knee climbed each step, I said to the Snook, “I don’t think I want to run the marathon.” And he said, “Okay.” And I immediately felt SO MUCH BETTER. I feel like that’s a big sign that I’m making the right choice. Right now to run would be to force the issue, and I don’t feel like forcing it. I want to have some fun. I want to face some new challenges. I will continue to run, but I’m not going to set any expectations on it. That feels good to me.
RunningBlog: A Decision