Saturday morning. 10:05 a.m. At my desk. Hung-over.

Luckily I’ve got a kiwi!

Weirdness. We were supposed to have our monthly meeting/drinks session tonight and rumors were flying about more layoffs, buyouts, etc. We were also dreading more of the horrendous Chardonnay they tried to pawn off on us last time. But oddly enough, when we got to the board room there were just cases and cases of Beck’s. And no meeting. Just drinks. On one hand it was really, really cool… but on the other hand, it was a little Twilight Zone.

And in further work-related news, after sitting on my ass for two weeks straight I’ve been suddenly asked to come in tomorrow for emergency work on McDonald’s. Yeah, I’m the friggin’ cavalry, and I’m riding to the rescue. So I’ll be here all day. Expect more blogging.

Congratulations to my brother Anthony, who was accepted into the Kappa Sigma fraternity at Purdue. He assures me that they’re not beer-swilling assholes. 🙂

This morning I received one of those “Tell your friends lots of secret things about you” e-mails from Jann. As I’m still unallocated at work and bored out of my mind, I decided to answer via my weblog. It’s similar to other memes I’ve seen, but some of the questions are different. Feel free to play along if you want.

1. What time is it? 2:01 pm, London time
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Kristine Michelle Howard
3. Nickname(s): Kristy, Kris, Howie, Pants, w-g
4. Parents names: Ron and Susie (yes, my dad’s name is “Ron Howard“)
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 24
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? March 15th
7. Pets: None currently, but we had a black pomeranian named Dale when I was growing up that I loved
8. Eye color: Brown
9. Hair color: Currently fire-engine red
10. Piercing: One in left ear, two in right, one (formerly) in navel
11. How much do you love your job? I guess I like it a lot compared to other things I could be doing (for less money with more effort), but it’s still not the kind of thing I’d like to be doing forever. I think my dream job is one where I get paid to work on web-goddess and Roald Dahl Fans.com.
12. Favorite colour: Blue
13. Hometown: I was born in Hicksville, Ohio, but I grew up all over northeastern Indiana. I guess I’d probably say Lagrange, which is where I went to high school.
14. Current Residence: London, England, but looking to migrate Down Under ASAP
15. Favourite food: Traditionally I’d say my Aunt Berb’s chicken and dumplings, but at this moment I’d give my right arm for a chicken Gordita Supreme
16. Been to Africa? Nope
17. Been toilet papering? Like I said, I grew up in Indiana. Going “teepeeing” is a universal rite of passage. In fact, I helped teepee somebody’s dorm room during freshman orientation week at college. THAT was fun.
18. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Since the question confuses me, I’m gonna have to say ‘no’.
19. Been in a car accident? I rear-ended a Corvette. And once when I went to pick up my brother at baseball practice, I ran over a log and got my car stuck and had to be rescued by some construction workers.
20. Sprite or 7UP? Sprite is the lesser of two evils.
21. Favorite Movie: Too many to name, but I will say that my tape of the BBC miniseries “Pride & Prejudice” is starting to wear out
22. Favorite Holiday: In the American “national holiday” sense of the word, Christmas. In the British “vacation” sense of the word, any and every trip I’ve ever taken to Cedar Point.
23. Favorite day of the week: Friday (after 6:30 pm)
24. Favorite word or phrase: I say “You’re terrible, Muriel” a lot. Snookums and I also have this habit we picked up from Cartman where we say -ty words as -tah, so we say “authori-TAH” and “securi-TAH” a lot.
25. Favorite Toothpaste: Whatever’s cheapest.
26. Favorite Restaurant: In London, probably Wagamama’s. At home, probably Chili’s or Taco Bell. (I have very pedestrian tastes.)
27. Favorite Flowers: Sun flowers and gerbera daisies.
28. Favorite Drink: Non-alcoholic is definitely Mountain Dew. Alcoholic is a tossup between lager, gin & tonic, and the cheap chardonnay the Indian delivery guy brings us for free.
29. Favorite sport to watch: Notre Dame home football
30. Preferred type of ice cream: Ben & Jerry’s “Chubby Hubby”
31. Favorite Sesame Street Character: Snuffleupagus
32. Disney or Warner Bros: Disney, of course
33. When was your last hospital visit? Two weeks ago. I got an injection in my bum for probably the first time in twenty years. Very nostalgic, that.
34. What colour is your bedroom carpet? Blue, I think
35. How many times did you fail your drivers test? None! And since I got an ‘A’ in Driver’s Ed., I didn’t even have to take the written part. (Thank God, because I can’t parallel park to save my life.)
36. Who is the last person you got email from before this? Some kid who visited my Dahl site
37. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Nope.
38. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit cards: Seriously, Sam’s Club. Every time I’m there I just wish I had more to spend on discount books, cases of Snapple, and 40 pound bags of frozen burritos.
39. What do you do most often when you are bored? Surf the net
40. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest? Probably my college roommate Eileen, who’s currently working in Nicaragua for the Peace Corps
41. Most annoying thing people ask me: “Can you send me all the information about Roald Dahl? I have to write a paper.”
42. Bedtime: Around midnight usually
43. Favorite all time TV show: In terms of how long I’ve been watching it, probably Days of Our Lives
44. Last person you went out to dinner with: Snookums and my sister last night
45. Last Movie you saw: “Planet of the Apes”
46. Time when you finished: 2:26 pm

That made me hungry. Time for lunch!

How many banned books have you read? I counted twenty-three for me. Most of those were children’s books, but still…

Are You Smarter Than Miss America? I’m not. I’m only as smart as Miss America. I got 6 out of 8 correct. D’oh! (Take the quiz and then go to the comments page so we can compare what we missed.)

Ebert gets seriously pissy about Ben Stiller’s new movie.

A British father is pissed at FHM magazine after his 14-year-old daughter saw some “grotesque” pictures in it, fainted, hit her head on the pavement, and died. I’m very sorry for his loss, and I’m not trying to belittle that in any way. But how on earth is this magazine responsible? What if I’m reading the newspaper and I’m so engrossed in a good story that I step out in front of a bus and get squished? Is that the newspaper’s fault? Why was this girl, who has been described as extremely “squeamish”, looking at those pictures in the first place? Either she chose to look, or someone thrust them in her face (and if that’s the case, why isn’t that person responsible?). In a way, this reminds me of an article I just read over at the Banned Books Project. Parents don’t understand that if they want to restrict access to what their kids’ read and see, fine. The way to do that is to accompany your kids to the library or ask them what they’re reading or generally just be involved in their lives. If you can’t do that, you have no right to request that the material be made unavailable to everybody else. This father says, “I can’t see how anyone’s life is improved by seeing the range of degenerative pictures.” I’d like to respond and say that just because he can’t see any worth, that doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. Who’s to be the judge of which material is appropriate and should be available? I hate to trot out the old “book burning Nazis” cliché, but that’s what I think every time I read about another of these censorship outcries.

(I just deleted a couple lines in there about the First Amendment, which I suddenly realized doesn’t apply in this case. As my knowledge of British law is scant at best, where is freedom of speech guaranteed here? It is, isn’t it?)

Mets win. Braves lose. Mets are now three games behind the Braves… going into a three-game series in Atlanta. Eeeek!

Here he is, in his first (but certainly not the last) web-goddess appearance, my new little brother Joseph Robert!