You’ve all heard the urban legend about the Singaporean zookeeper who has to masturbate all the animals every day, right? Well apparently such activities are not all that far-fetched. Taronga Zoo here in Sydney has a male gorilla who isn’t producing any offspring. Recently zoo management proposed knocking him out and having one of the keepers “manually stimulate” him. Unsurprisingly, they all refused (“It was too bloody dangerous,” a zookeeper said last night. “What if he woke up?”) and it’s turned into a big industrial issue. So instead the poor guy is going to be subjected to something called “electro-ejaculation”. Where’s Binatang bin Goncang when you need him?