The height of vanity.
Confession: I had my eyelashes tinted. Yeah, I know… but listen. See, a couple weeks ago the beautician at Kevin’s salon asked me to help her design a new brochure. She liked the end result so much that she’s been offering me free treatments ever since. I’ve already had a massage and an eyebrow wax, so last Saturday she offered to tint my lashes. I was hesitant. I mean, I thought I’d read that it was illegal in the US because it can cause blindness. (Turns out I was right.) Lots of salons do it here though, and she assured me that it was completely safe. I also had additional persuasion in the form of all the compliments I got at the wedding last week. (I was wearing mascara and lipstick, which I don’t normally do.) Apparently the eyelash tint gives you the appearance of wearing mascara for four weeks. The Snook’s response when I told him about her offer didn’t help either: “You don’t have enough lashes to dye!” Whatever! So I gave in.

It was an odd experience. First she smeared Vaseline all around my eye socket to keep the dye from staining my skin. Then she put these little pieces of paper below each eye for additional protection. The dye was then applied to my lower lashes with a q-tip. Then I had to close my eyes so she could glop it on the uppers too. After that, you just have to wait with your eyes closed while it works. I didn’t experience any stinging, mostly because I was so terrified of getting the stuff on my contacts (yeah, I shouldn’t have worn those) that I kept my peepers screwed up pretty tight. After ten minutes she came back and removed it with some wet cotton balls. I could see the difference right away. It really does look like I’m wearing mascara (but without all the goopiness that I normally get since I can’t apply it very well).

Anyway, that’s my confession. To tell you the truth, the novelty wore off after about four hours. Now I don’t even notice it in the mirror. I probably won’t have it redone. It’s not the way it looks or the experience… It’s more the horrible feelings of feminist guilt. I actually risked blindness for a cosmetic effect. I’m disgusted with myself. You guys don’t think any less of me now, do you?


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  1. hey. i had my lashes done last night after work. i do them every now and then. smears and goopiness. what’s not to like? well, apart from blindness. but that was in 1933 – standards can come a long way in 50 years.

  2. That sounds cool! Don’t feel guilty – think of all the people who visit those nasty tanning salons that practically smell like cancer. That’s way worse 🙂

  3. good lord, no! it’s not like you’re injecting yourself with drugs and/or hormones only meant for animals or the seriously ill. gah, the things some people do for the pursuit of beauty… first botox, now doctors are shooting their patients up with human growth hormone and stuff meant to dissolve fatty deposits on arterial walls.

  4. I think it’s fantastic, Kris. No price is too high when it comes to beauty! 🙂

    Claire’s tanning bed analogy is a good one–heck, anyone who tans (myself included) knows what’s at risk, but does so anyway for the cosmetic appeal. So don’t sweat it–when we’re in the nursing home together, your blindness will keep you from having to be grossed out at my post-melanoma artificial nose! 🙂

  5. Hahaha… That’s HILARIOUS, Max.

    Thanks for the reassurance, guys. I was just worried about squandering what little feminist cred I have. But as I pointed out to Kevin on the way home, I didn’t do it because I felt like I *had* to. I did it because I *wanted* to. And really that’s the important thing, right? And besides, eyelash tinting is, like, .5 on the scale of cosmetic danger (10 being breast implants, I guess). So I feel better about it now.

  6. I live in the Chicago area and wondered what salons do eyelash dying. hanks!

  7. Lyn – this is an international group and you’re not likely to find anyone who knows. I suggest you try the Yellow Pages.

  8. I had my eyelashes tinted for the first time yesterday and it caused unbearable burning and left black dye all around my eyes. The clinician worked at getting the dye off the skin around my eyes for awhile but I still have some left there – looks like mascarra smudes. My eyes are very sore around the edges. BTW, they never did a skin test one me which I found out today is customary. Beware!

  9. *comment removed*

    Way to give Kiwis a bad name, dickhead…

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