15 Day Detox Diet

DetoxBlog: I have reached a new low in navel-gazing and self-absorption… I am starting the Quick Cleanse 15 Day Internal Detox Program and you poor folks are going to suffer along with me. I really have no idea why I’m doing this. I guess it’s because I need some new crazy health obsession after the race disappointment, and this super buff guy at GNC convinced me that this program was “rilly, rilly awesome.” So here we go. Fifteen days of no meat, no dairy, nothing but fiber, fruit, and fresh vegetables (and a multitude of herbal supplements). As I understand it, the basic gist is that you simply, well, poo out every bit of impurity in your body. At any rate, I like the idea of becoming a short-term vegetarian. I’ve never really tried it before so I have no idea how my body will react. Will I start dreaming of bacon? Will my body go into beef-deprived shock? Stay tuned for all the gory details. (Well, probably not gory. Even I have my limits.)

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  1. Whoa! This sounds like it’s going to be Poopapalooza 2004! Don’t shy away from the gory details in your reports, Kris. Inquiring minds want to know!

  2. I attempted to do a total cleanse, though it was very different from the one you’ve linked to. According to my plan, all I was allowed to eat or drink was this lemonade-with-maple-syrup-and-cayenne-pepper concoction. The lemonade itself wasn’t bad, and I actually didn’t feel too horrible for the first couple of days, but by the end of the third day and into the fourth, I felt like I was going to die. I wondered why I wasn’t “eliminating” like the book said I was supposed to. I drew the line at drinking a gallon of warm salt water every morning like the book recommended.

    I finally broke down and ate some veggie soup on the fourth day. My husband stood in the background and rolled his eyes throughout the entire cleansing episode. I kept waiting for him to offer the requisite “I told you so,” but he didn’t. I suppose I need to root out all the crazy diets for myself. Just because it works for Robin Quivers and that street magician fellow who locked himself in a glass box in London for a month. Whathisname. Dated Fiona Apple. Anyway. That guy.

    Point is, didn’t work. 😉

  3. Sounds like a psychological trauma in the making. Just remember, if you start to feel weird, it’s all in your head. Unless it’s not. In that case, you might be dying.

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