Inappropriate Things


… Umbrellas. We had two days of rain this week and each morning I hate to fight my way to work through a sea of self-important wankers carrying golf umbrellas on the sidewalk. Look, people, it’s raining. Accept that your feet are going to get a little wet and give the rest of us a break. This whole umbrella-size arms race is just ridiculous. I started envisioning a sketch (for the little comedy show that plays in my head, of course) involving a person carrying a patio table umbrella down George Street in Sydney. You know, like the guy with the big phone on Trigger Happy TV. That cheered me up a little.

… Children. I understand that the shop appeals to mostly female customers, and that many of those customers spend their days at home taking care of their kids. I understand that coming to a beautiful shop to indulge in their hobby must feel like a wonderful little vacation. I just wish they’d leave the damn kids at home. Every single day some mother comes in dragging her offspring, only to park them in the corner and ignore them while she shops. If it’s a baby, it will inevitably start to scream and cry (while blocking traffic in it’s inevitably Inappropriate Large Stroller). If they’re ambulatory, they’ll run up and down the length of the store while yelling. I’m not exaggerating. Our shop has lots of beautiful, shiny, colorful, expensive things that the young dears just love to run their sticky hands over and pull off the shelves into a heap. If anything, these experiences only serve to dampen yet further the nearly-inaudible tickings of my own biological clock.

… Old Ladies. Look, I like being appreciated. I go out of my way to help customers and it’s nice when they thank me. There’s a line, though, and occasionally it gets crossed. Like today, when a 70-year-old woman kissed me and then – I swear – propositioned me. Seriously. All because I put some wool on hold for her and promised that I’d keep it til she came back for her next knitting class. She thanked me profusely while grasping my hand and I tried to leave it at that, but she had a grip of steel and I surrendered to the inevitable cheek smooch, thinking that’d be the end of it. “Oh, you are just so special! What would we do without this girl? Isn’t she the greatest! I just wish I could take you home with me! Not only will you be kept, you’ll be fed and watered too!” *double take* What, what, what? Creepy old lady.


Add yours →

  1. Ahhhh, creepy old people. *shudders*

  2. grrrrrrrrrr, umbrellas on crowded streets! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! get jackets with hoods people! grrrrrrrrrr! get some shoes that can cope with puddles! grrrrrrrrrrrr! stop trying to take my eyes out with your lethal weapons! grrrrrrrrr!

    (sorry, just felt an overwhelming need to agree violently with you there!)

  3. Oh, she sounded sweet to me. 😉

  4. And BTW, I *love* the guy with the big cell phone. He screams into it, right? I think I’ve seen that bit on Comedy Central.

  5. Now that you’re a manager, why don’t you put in a small area with a few kids toys to keep them occupied while their mother’s are shopping. This way you make them feel like they are more welcomed at your store.

  6. So I’m not the only one creeped out by touchy, creepy, crazy old people! Thank god. In kindergarten, I learned that I have a special “circle” around me and I should never get so close to someone that they get into my circle. It’s just rude. Sounds like she doesn’t even HAVE a special circle. *sniff* Yeah, I just figured out that perhaps the circle idea wasn’t the BEST one.

    We have one of those kid corner things at some of the fabric stores here – from what I hear from my sister, it works beautifully. She told me that the owners just went to the Salvation Army and picked up a whole bunch of stuff for under $20.

  7. Images of “Misery” come into my mind. You better watch out.

  8. Hmmm, a Kids Area… Well, the first problem is just that we don’t have any space. Any. We’re already moving to a bigger location this year because we’re full to bursting. And second, well, I don’t know if it’s the “image” we have for the store. We’re not your average craft shop. We sell a lot of expensive things, and most of the people who shop there are serious crafters. I’m not sure a play area would fit in. Plus I’m certain – in Australia at least – that there would be liability issues. I have no doubt that officially sanctioning a play area would open the door to some parent screaming at us when her kid got hurt. Sad but true.

    So it’s a good idea, but I don’t think it’s one that we could use. It’s not that kids are unwelcome; it’s just that a lot of the parents we get are happy to abdicate all responsibility for their child once they step through the door. I like good kids. I help ladies lift their strollers up and down our entrance stairs. It’s just that the good ones are rare, and I resent the fact that I have to spend part of my day playing babysitter.

  9. On the toy thing. An idea you might look at is one of those wooden bead things (like this ) We have them at the library and kids will sit quietly and play with them. just a thought.

  10. I say you should just get one of those dog Travelling cages and put one of those rabbit water bottles in the corner. You could also sound proof it, which would make the inside nice and soft for the little dears. Or you could put a sign up on the jazz records shop next door that says “Wiggles perform live, every hour”.
    Your bitter pal,

  11. LMAO! Oh my god! That has to be the creepiest old lady ever. Ergh.

Comments are closed.