Wow, you’re actually a girl on the internet?

Someone has far too much time on his hands.

All jokes aside, Mary-Helen just e-mailed me about another male customer who felt he was ignored. I hope she doesn’t mind, but I’m reposting my reply to her here because it helped me spell out the issues involved a little better in my mind:

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I get depressed when I hear stuff like this. On one hand I’m sorry that he felt he was mistreated, but on the other hand, how are we supposed to deal with the problem if he doesn’t let us know? I was discussing the e-mail I posted on my site last night with the Snook, and I likened it to the treatment I often get in stores traditionally thought of as male: computer stores, the Games Workshop, Galaxy Books. But when a salesman asks me if I’m looking for something for my boyfriend, I don’t get in a huff and vow to the stars never to return. I see it as an opportunity to educate. “No, actually I’m looking for something by Neil Gaiman. I really enjoyed “American Gods” and I’d like to get one of his graphic novels…” And then maybe they won’t treat the next person the same way.

And unfortunately, a lot of it may well just be assumptions based on the situation. When I see a man in the store, I immediately expect him to wordlessly hand me a list that someone has scrawled for him, as if he’ll be tainted simply by looking around. There are exceptions of course, and they’re not all hunky young guys, but the vast majority of men seem to conform to the stereotype. I also think our shop tends to suffer from the *reverse* of the “invisible middle-aged women” complaint – a lot of them get very pushy and demanding, and as a staff member you get used to looking out for the trying ones. (Same thing happens at the craft show, where I get shoved to the side by Grannies with a Sense of Entitlement.) A polite customer could end up waiting or seemingly being ignored because we’re too busy dealing with Eastern Suburbs Harpies. (Especially during the Sale, when everything gets a bit crazy…)

At the root of it, I don’t think it’s necessarily a gender issue… I think it’s an experience issue. For the first year after I started knitting, I felt incredibly patronized by much of the older Sydney knitting community. Linley is probably the most obvious example, but there were others. I remember what’s-her-name at Champion would ignore me in favor of older customers until the point where I brought in a sweater so she could see that I actually knew what the hell I was talking about. (That’s why I stopped shopping there.) And [name removed because I’m still scared of her] treated me like waitstaff until she evidently decided I had earned enough knitting cred for her to treat me like a human being. Friends who’ve had dealings with some of the suburban Guild chapters report similar treatment (although I have to say the Executive Committee ladies are lovely). Quite frankly, this is why I’m GLAD we have a mostly younger staff. The demographics of needlecraft are skewing older and unless we want it to die out completely, we need to make younger people feel welcome. I guess the impulse will always be there, though, for stitchers to see ourselves as some sort of exclusive club and only give the secret handshake to the worthy. Those who are less obvious about their credentials may find themselves being ignored.

This is such an interesting issue. I’ll definitely be talking to the staff about it. It’s still almost a little hard for me to fathom, though, because I tend to imagine my attitude in the shop is shared by everyone. I try not to be too jaded and to actively seek out the people that need help, whether they’re old or young or male or tourists. Maybe some of the younger girls need to be reminded to be a bit more inclusive.

Sorry, get the complaint. I agree your
comment, most womens are underpaid and
owerload at work, especially nurse and
other who work at that area. Politics
remember they before election, but after
that there is never enough money. I
think it’s same all occupation where
womens are majority (if there is mens in
same work they get more pay, this is
“blatant patronising sexism”). Same
money from same work sounds good, but i
think better is; same money from same
result (and result is _not_ money only).
Why money is only thing we admire? In
work your knowhow checks 4 times a year
(how much money you make, nothing else
matter). I really coward when i need to
go hospital (accident, going old…)and
nurses are burnout.

It’s funny, Tricia, because I totally didn’t even think of it in that way. But you’re completely right, and that’s a brilliant comparison to make. I wasn’t trying to justify discriminatory behaviour, but maybe guess at some of the reasons it happens. And it’s weird how in my head I keep trying to make excuses for why this particular case isn’t a big deal, mostly because I’m annoyed that – boo hoo, men feel they’re being ignored, like because they’ve been the power group for so long that maybe it’s okay to dish out a little reverse discrimination? And I don’t like thinking that.