Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Suck! (Here Be Spoilers.)
We joined Amy and Rob tonight for a showing of Pirates of the Caribbean 2. It was… eh… okay. I was entertained. There were some good fights and some exciting action sequences. The digital effects were amazing. (I love the sound the Kracken’s tentacles make.) Davy Jones and Bootstrap Bill were also excellently realized. Tom Hollander makes for a suitably hatable villain. (He’ll always be Bosie to me.) But still… eh. I still don’t like Keira Knightley, and the sight of her macking on Sparrow made me rally behind poor Will (who is way too good for her and, by the way, pretty damn hot). Also hot is Jack Davenport, back as a wonderfully scruffy (and morally ambiguous) Norrington. I couldn’t give a crap about anybody else in the movie. Jack Sparrow indirectly caused the death of, like, hundreds of people (his own crew, the ones that picked up Will, the French guys who got his hat), and we’re supposed to care whether everybody risks their own lives to save him? Yeah, yeah, Johnny Depp, Keith Richards, swanning about, blah blah blah fishcakes. I’m so over it. As I’ve said before, two (and a half) hours watching Johnny Depp are never wasted, but the character is really starting to wear a little thin. I don’t care whether they rescue him or not. All I could think was that poor Will should cut his losses and get the hell away from The Curse of the Duckfaced Anorexic. In summation, and as I said as the credits rolled: “Okay, so that was a total Empire Strikes Back ending, except in this version, PRINCESS LEIA’S A WHORE.”
The Snook’s review: “The baddies were the same as in the first movie; they used the same thing-rolling-down-a-hill gag twice in this movie; and there weren’t enough boobies. I liked Davy Jones.”
Addendum: It seems I am not alone in my opinion.