Did I mention the yoga? Okay, so last Friday it’s “Customer Appreciation Day” at my gym so I drag my sister along for a yoga class, which neither of us have never done before. Here’s a minute-by-minute recap of my actual thoughts during the experience:

  • 7:55 pm Okay, I can do this. How bad can it be, right? There aren’t any weights or steps or machinery. It’s just your body. Dude, this is gonna be cake.
  • 8:05 Hmmm… the stretching is interesting. I’m enjoying it so far.
  • 8:10 Ooh, this child’s pose is pretty nice.
  • 8:20 Dammit, man, I have no balance. It is physically impossible for me to stand on my tippy toes with my arms in the air and then lower myself to my knees while balanced en pointe. Man, this is hard.
  • 8:25 No. No friggin’ way. I can’t remember that! There’s, like, 17 steps in that sequence! My back feels like it’s gonna break every time I try the cobra. And I can’t hold the damn downward dog for more than 2 seconds without nose-diving onto the mat.
  • 8:30 Oh God. Another hour. Please go faster. Why can I suddenly not stand on one leg?
  • 8:45 I’m sweating bullets. I’m in serious pain. My sister is laughing at me. I HATE YOGA. Only 45 minutes left to go.

I’m pretty sure that this is the point when I blacked out.

  • 9:20 Ahhh… Now this is the part I like. Lying in the dark and listening to white noise. I might fall asleep.
  • 9:30 We’ve been lying here for 10 minutes. I’m so bored I could die. Even the relaxation in yoga is difficult. I’m never doing this again.

I dunno… maybe I just dislike all organized exercise classes. Sorry, B. I gave it a shot.

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  1. believe me, i felt the same way my first few times. and i still hate down dog! and the way my sweaty hands and feel slide all over the mat? ugh!

    i found that it’s key to find an instructor who stresses that not everyone will be able to go as far into a pose as the person next to them and that everyone will look a little different when they do a pose. by their affirming our own personal effort and individual style i could feel less competitive and more focused.

    do you know what kind of yoga you were doing? you might do best to start off with iyengar, which isn’t as intense as bikram (hot) or ashtanga (power) yoga. check out this page for good info:

    http://www.yrec.org/styles.html

    as for the flexibility issue, i cannot believe how quickly mine improved! good instruction to keep in mind is to gently sink deeper into the pose with each breath, and focusing on your breath will help get you through the tougher poses.

    i’m so glad you gave it a shot! namaste. 🙂

  2. They have several different yoga classes, but the one we were in was just a general class that combined aspects of lots of the others. A bit of a sampler, if you will. I’d definitely be interested in trying out some of the calmer, stretchier stuff.

    Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement!

  3. YES! YES! YES! I lived with a beginning yoga instructor for year! Thank ye gods for the child’s pose. I will not be doing yoga for quite a while. I know yoga is good for you but…aaaagh. Thank you for writing the article! SES

  4. buy yoga gloves and feet feet gloves online, its the end to the sweaty problem and you can forget all that sliding about

  5. Thank you for writing this! I just came back from my 2nd yoga class at the Y — last week it was terrible. I mean, how hard could “Yoga for Relaxation” be? Tonight I felt like crying through all the stupid “downward dog” stuff that I could NOT do. I’m overweight, and was giving myself some slack because of that last week, but tonight I noticed some really fat chicks with so much more flexibility and strength, they were just smiling and breezing through it all. I came home and googled “yoga pain” and “beginner yoga” and finally typed in “I hate yoga” because that’s what I was truly feeling — and I got your blog. I really needed to read someone else laughing at how stupid it feels to do this. It’s giving me the courage to stick with it, at least for next week’s class.

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