Did I mention the yoga? Okay, so last Friday it’s “Customer Appreciation Day” at my gym so I drag my sister along for a yoga class, which neither of us have never done before. Here’s a minute-by-minute recap of my actual thoughts during the experience:
- 7:55 pm Okay, I can do this. How bad can it be, right? There aren’t any weights or steps or machinery. It’s just your body. Dude, this is gonna be cake.
- 8:05 Hmmm… the stretching is interesting. I’m enjoying it so far.
- 8:10 Ooh, this child’s pose is pretty nice.
- 8:20 Dammit, man, I have no balance. It is physically impossible for me to stand on my tippy toes with my arms in the air and then lower myself to my knees while balanced en pointe. Man, this is hard.
- 8:25 No. No friggin’ way. I can’t remember that! There’s, like, 17 steps in that sequence! My back feels like it’s gonna break every time I try the cobra. And I can’t hold the damn downward dog for more than 2 seconds without nose-diving onto the mat.
- 8:30 Oh God. Another hour. Please go faster. Why can I suddenly not stand on one leg?
- 8:45 I’m sweating bullets. I’m in serious pain. My sister is laughing at me. I HATE YOGA. Only 45 minutes left to go.
I’m pretty sure that this is the point when I blacked out.
- 9:20 Ahhh… Now this is the part I like. Lying in the dark and listening to white noise. I might fall asleep.
- 9:30 We’ve been lying here for 10 minutes. I’m so bored I could die. Even the relaxation in yoga is difficult. I’m never doing this again.
I dunno… maybe I just dislike all organized exercise classes. Sorry, B. I gave it a shot.