Hyperventilating.
Went out to do laundry. Did my customary “Spider Check” in the corners of the shed. Noticed a huge hairy brown tarantula-lookin’ thing in the doorjamb, about – oh – two inches from my head. Freaked out. Came inside and IMed the Snook. He was anything but reassuring.

Him: Those ones don’t drop. They just run real fast. Well, they do jump if you scare them. That’s why you should wear shoes, so you can stomp on them after they jump on you.
Me: WHAT? Are they bitey?
Him: Not really.
Me: “Not really”?? What the hell does that mean?
Him: Well, they hardly ever bite, and they’re not deadly. Some people claim they do nasty things like make your arm fall off, but more likely it’ll just hurt a lot.
Me: *dead faint*

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  1. sounds like The Snook should have All-Time laundry duty. 😉 i totally admire and respect your efforts to live in harmony with the hairy and bitey scuttling things, kris. if that isn’t love, i don’t know what is. 😉

  2. I actually finished the load! Well, I kinda stood a couple feet away and tossed in the dirty clothes, but I had to duck in to put in the detergent and close the lid. There goes my bravery ration for the next five years… 🙂

  3. damn, and i get all bent just for doing his laundry in our totally harmless basement! sounds like you’ve got some major relationship clout to throw about!

  4. Heh. Yeah, what do spiders equal on the relationship-compensation chart? I don’t think I score diamond unless one jumps on me, but maybe some electronic goods? I could use a dishwasher…

  5. you’ve got a spontaneous back rub coming to you at the very least.

    :::hear that, mr. snook?:::

    i kid… 😉

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