Kristy vs. the Birds

Round 1: On our way home from work yesterday, Kevin and I were barreling down the highway when I noticed a pigeon dawdling in the road up ahead. “Better move little birdie!” I joked, fully expecting the bird to fly off any second. Suddenly WHUMP! Pigeon carcass flew past Kevin’s window. “AHHHH!” we both screamed. Thank heavens it didn’t fall into the open sun roof. What kind of idiot bird plays in traffic?

Round 2: Today at lunch I was sitting on a bench in the little park adjacent to our office and knitting happily away on a Hogwarts scarf. Suddenly a large bird fluttered down beside me. With horror I realized it was my avian nemesis… the kookaburra! He was big and creepy with a wicked-looking beak. (Yeah, yeah, so they’re not known for attacking people. I’m a big scaredy-cat though.) “Shoo, shoo!” I muttered while waving my arms. He regarded me impassively. I picked up a small twig and threw it, figuring that would drive him off. Instead he sat there and let it hit him, and I swear he narrowed his evil reptilian eyes. In desperation, I picked up my paper lunch bag from McDonald’s (I had the salad, of course) and threw it in a nearby bin, guessing that it was his ultimate aim. He didn’t budge. “All right,” I said. “You win. Have the damn bench.” I picked up my stuff and slunk back to the office while Mr. Kookaburra watched me triumphantly. Jerk bird.

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  1. Being evil people, Jeff and I burst into laughter reading your first paragraph. Our laughter turned to gasps of disbelief when we continued reading. Not because we became any less evil, but rather ’cause we just returned from trivia night where we missed the “what type of bird (starts with K) is a kookaburra?” question!

  2. HA! I’m not sure I would’ve gotten that one if I hadn’t had my run-in. As for the pigeon, one less “rat with wings” in the world. I’m okay with kookaburras in theory, as they eat snakes and sound like they’re laughing. But up close it’s like being confronted with a small feathery velociraptor.

  3. Ditto, sis. Dan thinks birds are really dinosaurs, and refuses to accept their existence in the world as beneficial in any way. He HATES them, more than moi, I think!

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