The Real Angora Man

The Real Angora Man
Sometimes my job is a Seinfeld episode. You remember the story of Angora Man, the little old guy with the fluffy white angora sweater fetish? I didn’t think anybody would ever top him. I was so wrong.

On Thursday I met the real Angora Man. He was a big guy, maybe in his late 40’s, and my first impression was that he was probably here picking something up for his wife. He had a ball of some lurid lime-green Lincraft novelty wool that he was trying to match. He said he needed it to finish the cuffs of a sweater. From his comments, I gathered that he knew more about knitting than the average husband. “Are you knitting this yourself?” I asked. No, he had a knitter-for-hire that was knitting it… for him. Hmmm. I stopped asking questions. As I was showing him around the shop in a vain attempt to find something that would work, his attention was caught by our glass display case of expensive wools. “Wow,” he said. “I’ve got to have that.” He was looking at the angora. The lime-green angora. “The, uh, angora?” I said. “Very lovely. Would it be, uh, for yourself?” “Oh yes,” he said. “I collect angora sweaters. I have over two hundred.” That’s when I began composing this post in my head.He asked if I knew how that particular angora knitted up, so I told him that another gentleman had had a sweater knitted in it a few months ago and it turned out beautifully. How many balls did he use? I called my boss. “Albie, you remember Ang- that guy with the angora sweater? How many balls did he use?” “About 21. Why?” “Because I’ve got another guy who wants one, and he’ll probably need about 30. Do we have more?” “Are you kidding? I’ve got three more boxes at the warehouse. We haven’t sold a single one!” I smiled winningly at Real Angora Man and told him that I had plenty for him. He placed an order for 30 balls and paid cash (over $350). As he was leaving, he casually said, “Oh, and if that other angora guy ever comes back in, give him my number.” No worries, mate.

So that was on Thursday, and I giggled while retelling the story all weekend. I had just opened the knitting section today when R.A.M. walked in again. “Good morning!” I greeted him. “Here to pick up your wool?” Actually he’d already gotten it the day before, and in fact he’d also bought our last 10 balls in that colour (meaning he had 40 altogether in the lime-green). His new plan was to have a short sleeve jumper and a matching cardigan. In other words, a twin set. He was back to find some matching wool or ribbon to use for the cuffs and maybe a design across the chest. We picked out some lovely variegated cotton in green, yellow, and blue for his knitter to try out. As he was paying, he looked again at the remaining balls of angora in the case. “Could I have a look at the lemon-yellow?” I showed it to him and then agreed that it really tied the lime-green and the cotton together. How many did we have? Another forty. He ordered the lot. (Man, I wish I worked on commission!)

Making small talk, I commented that I liked angora but I found it a bit too fuzzy for me. “It all comes,” he said, “from having a mother that dressed me in nothing but angora. I can’t wear anything else!” I bet. I observed that maybe it was just something you had to get used to. “Eventually you can even wear it to bed!” he enthused. Uh-huh.

So, Original Angora Man, if you’re out there, drop by the shop so I can hook you up with Real Angora Man. You guys are a match made in heaven. (And how weird is it that my shop has become, like, the fluffy pick-up joint of Sydney?)

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6 Comments

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    I just spit Pepsi out on my monitor. Thanks, friend. On another note, I wonder if all these “furry-lovin’ people “are successful at their careers. I would think that getting someone to make you a $350 sweater out of Angora (i don’t think it’s known for it’s durability) would be mighty expensive.

  2. I have to wonder that too. I mean, with the extra ten balls the guys laid out five hundred bucks already, and he’s got another forty on order. We’re talking a THOUSAND DOLLARS for a twin set. He pays cash, too, in hundreds (which hardly anybody in Australia uses). I speculated to the Snook today that he might be laundering money, just because the idea that somebody would spend all their money on angora is so weird. I don’t think wool would be a very good investment, though, given that we’re already charging a fairly good markup on the imported stuff anyway. You’d never get anybody to buy it from you secondhand for near the same rate.

  3. can you launder angora? if he’s laundering money, he could put them in together and save money to buy more wool! (Bad, I know!) Love your blog.

  4. My girlfriend’s really into the fluffy outfits, he can’t go anywhere with wearing something made from angora, her favorite is her pink angora halter dress and matching cardigan. I can see she gets excited by the angora and I know she’s not cold!
    She’s taken to wearing this old white wrap over dress to bed now and gets me to massage her all over, while I’m buzy! She goes wild!!!
    She has even bought me a mans ‘SEAN JOHN’ cable angora sweater and I must admit it does feel good on, but too hot for the summer.
    Derek

  5. After reading these posts afew times, I decided to go and get myself an angora sweater and see what all the fuss is about….. and that is where my thing for angora started. My boyfriend thinks I’m a bit crazy, but has gone along with my obsession and I now have about 30 sweaters, dresses and cardigans. For Christmas he splashed out and bout me off ebay a panty and bra set made from 100% angora, needless to say I decided to wear them under a pale blue 80% angora dress to a new years party at a friends house and got comments galore from everone there. I ended up staying overnight, actually I passed out just after midnight on her bed. Well she took to looking after me and we woke up in each other arms, me still in my angora’s and her just in a G string. She asked how I was feeling and when I told her I ached all over, she started to gently stroke and massage me…..One thing led to another and now not only do I have a new special friend, but one that has got the angora craze too!
    You just got to try it… so sensual!
    Sarah S

  6. o_O OKAY! I really didn’t intend for this to become Penthouse Forum, so I’m going to close the post.

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