DietBlog: I’m happy to say that the “85-kilo monkey” is off my back at last; and in fact, I think the little bastard might be dead. Official weight tonight: 84.1 kg. That’s a drop of 1.5 kg from last week, and it brings my total loss to 16 even. I’m ecstatic. Here’s the thing though: I KNEW it was going to be a good week. I KNEW I was going to have a loss. I’ve been faithfully tracking everything (using the online eTools) and I knew exactly how much more output than input I had every day. I’ve been feeling POWERFUL. I don’t even feel like I’ve done a ton of exercise, but I know I’ve done something every single day. I even had two social engagements last week: trivia on Wednesday and the symphony on Saturday. Normally that would have been excuse enough to wreck the whole week. I feel like I can handle anything now.
Joanne asked me at work today whether I thought the hypnotherapy had done me any lasting good. It’s an issue I’ve been thinking about lately. I mean, I don’t feel “cured” or anything. I’m still hungry ALL THE TIME and I’m still worried that my progress could stall if I lose focus. What I don’t have, though, is that crushing feeling of depression and futility I had a few months ago. I feel more capable and confident. I don’t know if hypnosis was the key to that, or whether it was simply trying something different to shake me out of the doldrums. (Or whether I’d have had the same result with any sort of counselor.) So I don’t know if I’d wholeheartedly recommend it as a bona fide proven weight-loss treatment just yet. It was exactly what I needed at that time, but that doesn’t mean it would have the same effect for everyone.
I think I may be facing a new hurdle though. Now that I can finally look past the 85 kg barrier, I can actually see the end in sight. Folks, I AM SEVEN KILOS FROM GOAL. That means I’m seven kilos away from NOT BEING A FAT PERSON ANYMORE. I mean, I know I’m not magically going to turn into an Olsen twin once I hit 77 kg, but I mean that mentally, I won’t have to think of myself as overweight anymore. That is utterly inconceivable to me. It would be like changing gender or race or something. Being “big” has been an intrinsic part of my self-image since college. If you take that away, what’s left? It’s like staring into an abyss. I won’t have it as a crutch anymore. It’s going to take some serious getting used to.