Bad Things

Bad Things:

– Customers who just don’t get it. “Is this yarn on sale?” “Yes, they’re all on sale.” “Well, is this one on sale?” “Yes, that one’s on sale too. They’re all on sale.” “Even this one? This one right here’s on sale?” Yes, that’s what ALL means. It means F**KING EVERYTHING. Good grief.

– Customers who have no friends. “Does this color look good on me?” “Yes, it looks fine.” “Really? Where do you think I could wear it? Day or evening?” I am not a personal shopper. Find some friends or grow a spine.

– Customers who can’t do simple estimating math problems. “How much is this kit?” “Well, it’s normally $53.20, so with the 30% discount you’re going to save about fifteen bucks or so.” “But can you tell me EXACTLY?” Why, are you going to pay in PENNIES or something?

– Customers who think that they deserve special service. “This tapestry has a hole in it. Can I get a discount?” “It’s already 50% off.” “I mean an ADDITIONAL discount.” “Ma’am, that’s WHY it’s 50% off.” “But I’m in here all the time, and I spent a lot of money, and I know the owner’s dad, and the last time I was here he gave me one for eighty dollars…” That’s usually when I start gauging how fast I’d need to run to fatally impale myself on a tapestry stand.

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  1. this is cracking me up Kris. I feel real sympathy for you – dealing with the knitting masses. Great work on the signage. I didn’t mention the pic cause I was worried I’d get in trouble for not asking anyone for permission first – like I could get any attention! still I thought the slogans were very cool. I’m in the store reading it thinking “I DON’T NEED ANY MORE STASH!! Oh what the hell! I’m here now”

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