web-goddess

Draco is Eminem, and evidently Dobby is Vladimir Putin. Random.

From my friend Major: “Check this out. People are seeing the Virgin Mary in a frickin’ fence post at Coogee. People are making pilgrimages to see a white fence and are saying its a message from God that women shouldn’t go topless on the beach. Get these morons out of the gene pool. Out I Say!!!” I really have to agree.

Me: (picking up phone) Hello?
Telemarketer; Is this Mrs. Snook?
Me: BWAH HA HA HA HA!

I never did find out what he was selling.

Everybody’s linkin’ to this collection of videos of The Price is Right winning moments. I like the first one where the guy wins $20K playing Plinko. That game rocked.

Wow. Roger Ebert saw Bob Dylan’s new movie and ripped it to shreds.

“Masked and Anonymous” is one of the oddest movies I have ever seen. Obviously everyone involved in it was besotted, if not mesmerized, by Dylan. All of those big stars must have agreed to their cameos … It’s a little sad to see them acting their hearts away in scenes where Dylan sits there like a toad, impassive, unmoving, oracular, waiting for the closeup in which he utters yet another oblique epigram.

He called Bob Dylan a toad! I love Ebert.

Dave Barry has a weblog. I’d like to place a bet right now that he’ll sweep the Bloggies next year.

Thoughts About the Non-Football Parts of the Super Bowl:

• Who the hell picked Celine Dion to sing “God Bless America”? Doesn’t everybody in the world know she’s Canadian? When she sang “God bless America, my home sweet home,” I rolled my eyes and yelled at the TV: “It’s not your home! You live in Montreal with your 90-year-old husband and your crazy frozen sperm baby!”
• That said, the Dixie Chicks were a great choice for the anthem. I really liked the arrangement they used. Simple and beautiful.
• As usual, we international folks didn’t get to see the commercials. That sucks. What’d I miss? Anything good?
• Our commentators were Dick Stockton and Troy Aikman. I never liked Aikman as a player but he was a pretty good commentator. He went out of his way to explain some of the weirder rules (“illegal use of hands”?) to the international viewers. He sounds an awful lot like John McEnroe, though (who I’ve been hearing for two weeks at the Australian Open). I thought Aikman had a stronger “southern” accent?
• Is there some rule that otherwise attractive singers have to dress like psycho slutty circus freaks when they perform at half time? (Remember when Britney had the sock on her arm that one year?) Someone should point out to Shania Twain that middle-class Midwestern America (i.e. 90% of her audience) will only approve of so much bondage-wear.
• Oh, and why did Shania open with that “Man, I Feel Like a Woman” song? Wasn’t that a hit, like, five years ago? I correctly predicted that No Doubt would continue the theme and sing “I’m Just a Girl”, which was even older.
• Gwen Stefani is a super freak who so doesn’t deserve Gavin Rossdale. She also looks a lot like Brittney Murphy, I just realized. That’s not good either.
• Before Sting even came out, I predicted to the Snook that, adhering to the theme of singing progressively older songs, he’d bust out a Police tune. I was not wrong. I forgave him, though, because he looked pretty damn good.
• What happened to Shania at the end there? Sting and Gwen were singing together and I kept expecting her to run in with the next verse. Is Shania such a diva that she won’t do the group-sing thing? Weak.
• The Australian commentators were really going out of their way to try to make this spectacle relevant to the home crowd. At one point, the head guy announced an “Australian connection”: Shania Twain’s husband, Mutt Lang, apparently produced a lot of “really good ACDC records”. I swear I heard the entire viewing audience reply, “You’re really reaching, dude.”
• Wow, there were a lot of players who’d come over from the European league. Did they mention that on the US broadcast? There were, like, 12 per team. I was wondering if that’s an unusually high number, or whether they just don’t mention it as much to the US because no one cares there.
• Was that Bon Jovi playing there at the end? Bleh. How about next year they book somebody that the kids actually, you know, listen to these days? Yeah, I criticized U2 for whoring themselves out to all the sports finals last year, but I’d take them over this crap any day.

Man, that all sounds pretty negative. I really did enjoy the game itself. I always like seeing an underdog win. It was also great to see my man Jerry Rice have a couple nice catches. I think it’s just hard without the commercials to distract you from how silly and stupid the whole thing is. So tell me, which ones are everybody going to be talking about this year? Were there any dotcoms? Any Britney-sightings? Enquiring minds need to know.

Happy Australia Day! Well, I’m a day late actually. It was yesterday. Australia Day is the Aussie equivalent of our 4th of July. We went over to our friend Steve’s for a barbecue. Much homebrew was imbibed. We also continued last year’s tradition of playing “Cups”, which is an ND drinking game I taught them. It was a fun day. (And a hot one! It was, like, a hundred degrees.) Now I’m just enjoying having this Monday off. Ooh! And the Superbowl will be on soon! I don’t even know who’s playing.

I was surfing through old Glitter discussions yesterday when I found this picture of a little girl in a homemade “Fluffy the Three-Headed Dog” costume. How cool is that? I’m regretting the fact that I never put a lot of effort into my own costumes as a kid. I was a “punk rocker” for, like, five years running.

Friday Five:

1. What is one thing you don’t like about your body?
Jeez, only one? Let’s spin the Big Wheel O’ Kris’s Body Issues and see what turns up today! Today’s issue is… weight! Yeah, I’m still a little more, uh, voluptuous than I need to be. I’m workin’ on it.

2. What are two things you love about your body?
I’m tall. Sorry to all the short folks, but I really like towering over you. I don’t think I could take being short. Oh, and I have a cute nose. A cute little Korean nose. I like that too.

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
Well, we’re renters, so it’s not really ours. But if it were, I’d build an extension on the second floor over the kitchen. I’d put in a master bathroom there and then switch the office and bedroom upstairs. Then I’d take the tub out of the little bathroom downstairs and move our laundry in there, just getting rid of the shed in the back. I’ve got it all planned out.

4. What are four books you want to read this year?
Hmm. You know, I don’t really have a list. I just go to the library and pick up whatever looks interesting. I’ve got to reread the four Harry Potters before the fifth one comes out though, so I guess those count.

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
Ugh. These are hard! Well, I’ve had my gym membership for a year now and I’ve actually used it. I haven’t eaten ramen noodles since college. I went to London after graduation and stuck it out even though I was scared and homesick. I’m making a sincere attempt to learn to like seafood. Oh, and in 2000 I said I wouldn’t move back to the US til Bush was out of office. So far so good on that one…