The Lock Cup just reminded me of my treasured Prince William coffee mug, which was stolen from my desk at Netdecisions two years ago and eventually turned up faded and ruined in the dish washer. Never let your prized coffee cups out of your sight! (Link courtesy of John.)
Her: “Just lie down here on the table on your front… Hmm.”
Me: “Hmm?”
Her: “Wow, one of your buttocks is noticeably larger than the other!”
Me: “WHAT??”
Her: “Yes, your right buttock is clearly more developed than the left. I’ve never really seen it to that degree before.”
Me: *speechless*
Her: “Here, put your hands around on your buttocks… There, can’t you tell the difference?”
Me: “Would you stop saying ‘buttocks’? They’re not… Oh. My. God. My ass is lopsided!”
I must ask that you now all refrain from looking at me from behind, as I am a misshapen troll. Happy friggin’ Cinco de Mayo.
I was at the optometrist last week to get new contacts when I suddenly realized that I’ve been wearing the same pair of glasses for over five years. I also made the stunning realization that I’ve never owned a pair of glasses that my Mother didn’t pick out for me. “Self,” I said, “it’s time to remedy this.” So I picked out some new glasses. You’re all going to hate them; Snookums did at first. They’re a little bit retro, a little bit funky, a little bit Clark Kent. Look, I have bad eyes and my lenses are thick. There’s no point in sticking with wire frames as if I’m going to disguise the fact that I’m wearing specs. I’d rather have a fashionable – yet “out there” – pair that I’m not ashamed to wear outside the house. So…Whaddaya think? I know; it’s a big change. When I look in the mirror I get the same sort of feeling of unfamiliarity that I had when the Snook shaved off his beard. I’m also fighting through that “new glasses = tons of nausea” effect that I’d forgotten about, so that may explain my wonky expression. But I like ’em. (Don’t worry, Sis; I’ll wear my contacts for the wedding.)
I finally got around to seeing Girl with a Pearl Earring tonight with Kathleen and a friend. I wasn’t sure what to expect. On one hand, Ebert loved it and I love me some Colin Firth. On the other hand, Scarlett Johansson has been annoying the crap out of me lately. Luckily my Mr. Darcy fixation won out. It’s a wonderful film. Slow, yes, but not boring and not overly melodramatic. Tom Wilkinson made a wonderful villain in his few scenes. The cinematography was lovely; every shot looked like a painting. Scarlett completely made me forget how vapid and shallow she is in real life. I highly recommend it if you’re in the mood for something a little different.
Random Fates Intersecting: I was reading Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything just last night and came to a footnote about Vermeer in the chapter about microscopes. Bryson mentions that some art historians believe Vermeer “cheated” by using a camera obscura provided by his friend Anton van Leeuwenhoek. It’s a bit of a conspiracy theory, though, so I didn’t expect it to be mentioned in the film. But there it was! Some guys bring in a big wooden box and Vermeer shows Griet how it works. It wasn’t integral to the story or anything – and he only admitted that it “helped” with the paintings – but I was still surprised that they worked it in.
Last night I had a session with a new personal trainer, Andy. He’d been recommended to me by a friend at the gym as somebody who specialized in running. I have to say, he was a bit of a spunk. (For the Yanks, that means he was a hottie.) Thick as two planks, though. (He was dumb.) He asked how long I had til the race, to which I answered 48 days. He was like, “So that’s, what, four weeks?” Me: “Try closer to seven.” But he was pretty.
So anyway, Andy thinks that I should aim to be running 12K two weeks before the race. (This is slightly counter to other things I’ve read. Hmmm.) Then I just rest and do light training until the big event. He did recognize that my biggest problem is going to be maintaining the mental concentration to run for 70+ minutes. The program he gave me is four days a week: one day of indoor cardio for the full length of time I’d be running the race (i.e. treadmill for 40 minutes, cross-trainer for 30), one day of general weight training, one day of running the whole distance outside, and one day of light weights followed by a yoga class. I think eventually I’m supposed to work in another day of running too, but I can’t even think about that at the moment.
The yoga is to strengthen my lower back, which has been giving me progressively more pain. He thinks I may have something out of alignment, which is why I’m booked in to see a physiotherapist tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear the medical equivalent of “You run funny.” I started the program last night with 40 minutes on the treadmill and 20 on the cross-trainer. My legs feel like jelly today and I somehow pulled a muscle in my shoulder. (I can only imagine how funny I must look running if I’m flopping about so badly as to constantly injure myself.) But I’m on my way!
Rest in peace, Father Joyce. I never met the man but his legend (and name) were everywhere in college.
So far I’ve got two sponsors lined up for the 40 Hour Famine. Come on, people! You know you want to see me delirious with hunger. (Snookums is still laughing at my Mother’s response when I told her about the event: “Forty hours? Is that all? You should have to go for seventy-two!” Me: “MOM!”)
Big Brother 4 started last night and at last the big secret is revealed: The winner will take home a million bucks! I was pretty satisfied with that revelation (though I would’ve loved it if the “monkey in the house” rumor had been true). The other big reality shows have all gone to a million, and Big Bro needed the raise to compete. I also like the idea that they aren’t going to tell the housemates for a while. So many of them gave “It’s the experience!” as their reason for going in, it’ll be interesting to see if they change their tunes once they hear the prize has quadrupled. I was also really happy with the “Back to Basics” approach of the show. The house is huge but it’s basically the same layout as last year. The Kickoff Show was fairly fast-paced and I liked that they just introduced the contestants, showed a quick clip of rejected people, and then got them into the house. (None of that whole “introduce pairs of people but only let a few in” thing they did last year.) The contestants themselves are a mixed bag, I think. There were a couple interesting people – I liked Trevor, Merlin, and Catherine right off the bat – but several of the girls just seemed like cookie-cutter “girlz gone wild!” types. I was pleased that some of them were over 30, but a little dismayed at the lack of overweight and gay people. (I like to have all the stereotypes represented in my reality shows.) But hey, Gretel didn’t look too bad! I was mesmerized by her boobs all night. How do you do that? Snookums thinks she had secret powerful structural apparatus hidden under her armpits. All in all, I think it was a much better kickoff than last year. I’ll be watching.
My name is Kris. I’ve been blogging since the 90’s. I live in Sydney, Australia, and I spent most of my career in the tech industry.
No AI used in writing this blog, ever. 100% human-generated.
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